Saturday, July 24, 2010
Social Study Evaluations
I've read some Social Studies by caseworkers that are very scary. Some workers put in all sorts of "gossip" and heresay. Some of the workers are good and some are bad.
For example, if a person is nervous, they might put in that the person is "hiding things" "frightened" or other negatives adjectives that might alarm the judge.
The judges read these social study evaluations carefully.
In one case, maternal grandmother was the primary caregiver of the minor children. The father's family all reported that the maternal grandmother gambled a lot and was not present to care for the children. The maternal grandmother's family claimed that grandmother never gambled and that they were all lying. (It is difficult to prove the negative.) But since grandmother did not drive it was difficult for her to travel to Louisiaina for her to gramble.
What should you do to prepare for a social study evaluation?
Make sure that your home is spotless.
Be sure there is food in the refrigerator and pantry
Look good when the worker visits.
Make sure the kid(s) look good.
Offer the worker something to eat and drink
Give the worker a list of friends and family to contact - be sure that these people know that they will be contacted and/or visited and be sure they have a "script" of what they are going to say
You need to include each persons name, address and phone number along with a brief descripton of what they can tell the worker about you and the other party
Have a photo album available to show the worker of you and the child(ren) of happy times (birthdays, holidays, vacations)
It's nice to include photos of the other parent when the family was still together
Be sure you interact with the child(ren) appropriately
Be sure you appropriately discipline the child(ren) in his/her presence if the child(ren) misbehave
DO NOT HIT THE KIDS OR SCREAM AT THE KID(S)
Be sure to act lovingly to the child(ren) & touch them -- but don't hold the child(ren) the entire visit
Don't bad mouth the other person (and family) totally -- remember that at one time you chose to be in a relationship with this person and to have child(ren) with this person!
If you have written evidence (recordings, emails, etc.) give a copy to the worker for their records
Everything you say to them can go into their report
Don't make casual remarks ("I could just kill myself" or "sometimes I cry myself to sleep I'm so depressed") because it will be in their report!
The worker is going to ask you a lot about you and your past - be prepared to answer it & be prepared to have a list of references to give to worker to verify what you are telling the worker
Your age
Your family
Your education
Your employment
Your health
Your religious background
Places you have lived
You need to be prepared to discuss your entire life in a few short minutes
Friday, July 16, 2010
Do It Yourself Divorce Kits from Radio orTelevision Ads
I have seen many of them.
Most of them are "trash". Sorry! You get what you pay for.
If they are from California, Washington, Florida, New York, or Colorado they do not contain the right information that the Texas judges want.
They don't look right and they don't have the "Texas wording" the Judges are used to seeing.
You need to listen to the spokesman in the ad carefully. The ad is carefully written. These companies are making millions of dollars on people trying to save money! They are laughing all the way to the bank. They are counting on your fear of attorneys and your desire to save money.
The first thing I would want to know is - how long is their guarantee? If it is less than 90 days - FORGET IT. Their gurantee is worthless for a Texas divorce.
A divorce in less must be on file for more than 60 days. So you won't know if their kit works if their gurantee is less than 75 days!
Do they use the word "matrimonial"? If so, that shows that it was not prepared by a Texas lawyer. We just don't use that word in Texas.
Do you have a BVS form? It is required in Texas for your divorce to be finalized in Harris County. The kits sold on the internet, radio and t.v. don't include it. Why? Because those guys have never set foot in Texas
Have I scared you yet!
Do check off the "right" answers?
Do you have any idea how much the judges hate these forms?
Do you have any idea how many people can't even fill these forms out correctly?
Do you realize that if you fill these forms out wrong - you are struck with the answers?
If you own any real estate, you are really doing setting yourself up for disaster in the future that require thousands of dollars in legal fees to "fix" the mess you are creating in this "quicky" divorce.
Many people think they are saving money by using an on-line divorce form. However, in reality, they are actually going to be spending a lot more money by having to hire an attorney later to fix their legal mess later!
It's easier to hire an attorney early than to hire an attorney later to fix a legal disaster!
If you can't figure it out, then I charge $150 an hour, to sit down with you and try to figure what what you are trying to do.
Or you can go to my website WWW.FAMILYLAW4U.COM and look at my DO IT YOURSELF will kits.
713-847-6000
Most of them are "trash". Sorry! You get what you pay for.
If they are from California, Washington, Florida, New York, or Colorado they do not contain the right information that the Texas judges want.
They don't look right and they don't have the "Texas wording" the Judges are used to seeing.
You need to listen to the spokesman in the ad carefully. The ad is carefully written. These companies are making millions of dollars on people trying to save money! They are laughing all the way to the bank. They are counting on your fear of attorneys and your desire to save money.
The first thing I would want to know is - how long is their guarantee? If it is less than 90 days - FORGET IT. Their gurantee is worthless for a Texas divorce.
A divorce in less must be on file for more than 60 days. So you won't know if their kit works if their gurantee is less than 75 days!
Do they use the word "matrimonial"? If so, that shows that it was not prepared by a Texas lawyer. We just don't use that word in Texas.
Do you have a BVS form? It is required in Texas for your divorce to be finalized in Harris County. The kits sold on the internet, radio and t.v. don't include it. Why? Because those guys have never set foot in Texas
Have I scared you yet!
Do check off the "right" answers?
Do you have any idea how much the judges hate these forms?
Do you have any idea how many people can't even fill these forms out correctly?
Do you realize that if you fill these forms out wrong - you are struck with the answers?
If you own any real estate, you are really doing setting yourself up for disaster in the future that require thousands of dollars in legal fees to "fix" the mess you are creating in this "quicky" divorce.
Many people think they are saving money by using an on-line divorce form. However, in reality, they are actually going to be spending a lot more money by having to hire an attorney later to fix their legal mess later!
It's easier to hire an attorney early than to hire an attorney later to fix a legal disaster!
If you can't figure it out, then I charge $150 an hour, to sit down with you and try to figure what what you are trying to do.
Or you can go to my website WWW.FAMILYLAW4U.COM and look at my DO IT YOURSELF will kits.
713-847-6000
Saturday, July 10, 2010
ADR Conflict Resolution & Mediation Exchange Comments on Linkedin.com
I am a member of the www.linkedin.com group on ADR, Conflict Resolution & Mediation Exchange.
This week an interesting question was posted that generated a lot of interesting answers.
The question that was posted was: “What single phrase or mantra do you use to support yourself when the going gets tough in supporting others to resolve conflicts or when you are in conflict with others?"
Here are samples of some of my favorite answers – some serious and some not so serious:
• “Trust the process” is one I have found useful
• “Stay curious” – especially when I am in conflict with others. I will also sometimes adopt the Alice in Wonderland phrase “curiouser and curiouser” to do “deepening work” in a mediation
• Anger is a vehicle of communication that always carries a message. The person who expresses anger is trying to present information. Often it is information that, without the anger, he wouldn’t have the courage to express…
• I try to focus on the underlying message, not necessarily the expressed emotion or the surface message. I guess my mantra would be “I wonder what is underneath this”
• If this were easy, anyone could do it
• Expect emotion, not logic and respect emotions of others
• I have found that emotions are 80% and logic is 20%, and when we negate the emotions of the other we are insulting and irritating the persons more. Respect their feelings, feelings are never right or wrong, so don’t use logic to analyze the feelings. Show empathy and compassion for them, and slowly the logic will surface.
• Anger is like quicksand; the more you fight or try to control it, the deeper you sink…Bottom line, personal perspective of the situation is paramount. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? My mantra is “It’s all good”
• Think outside the box
• Conflict is usually emotionally driven and not logic driven
• I take my ego out of the process and let the “magic” happen
• I am visualizing my hands slowly closing around your neck
• Lets take a step back and evaluate how you would advise someone if they were in the same situation – evaluative role playing at its best
• My primary role is to actively listen. Most people just want someone to HEAR them and acknowledge their pain in a safe environment.
• It will unfold
• I am the guardian of the process; I am not in charge of the outcome
• Breathe
• Goddess, let me be a channel for your peace, your love and your clarity
• Stay present and pay attention
• KISS – keep it simple & short
• Patience is a virtue
• I think to myself after I just heard something alarming…take a couple of deep breathes, remain calm, do not let my face show any strong reaction, don’t say anything to inflame the situation, be thankful that this is one mistake that I chose not to make in this life & remember there are 2 sides to every story
• I’ve observed that for some people I am exposing them to a completely new way of conflict resolution that they have never tried before
• The alternative to resolving this dispute is playing the mutual game of death by a thousand bleeding wounds inflicting on each other – day after day – month after month – year after year. One of you wins a bloody victory not worth winning – the other a loss – marked by pain, suffering, financial loss and the empty feeling of frustration. This war needs to be ended now.
• When I have finished listening to someone in a conflict, I say that I understand the complainant’s point of view and then look for common threads in all arguments to reach a mutually acceptable resolution. You know you have been successful in mediation when both sides are a little bit on happy. One of my clients stated that after a successful mediation.
• Take light things seriously, and seriously things lightly
• As self talk, “stay calm, be courageous, and watch for the signs”
• My favorite is “trust the process”
• Do I have a dog in this hunt?
• The 2 most liberating phrases for me are “I don’t know” and “you may be right”
• I like one my mother used to say – “this too shall pass
This week an interesting question was posted that generated a lot of interesting answers.
The question that was posted was: “What single phrase or mantra do you use to support yourself when the going gets tough in supporting others to resolve conflicts or when you are in conflict with others?"
Here are samples of some of my favorite answers – some serious and some not so serious:
• “Trust the process” is one I have found useful
• “Stay curious” – especially when I am in conflict with others. I will also sometimes adopt the Alice in Wonderland phrase “curiouser and curiouser” to do “deepening work” in a mediation
• Anger is a vehicle of communication that always carries a message. The person who expresses anger is trying to present information. Often it is information that, without the anger, he wouldn’t have the courage to express…
• I try to focus on the underlying message, not necessarily the expressed emotion or the surface message. I guess my mantra would be “I wonder what is underneath this”
• If this were easy, anyone could do it
• Expect emotion, not logic and respect emotions of others
• I have found that emotions are 80% and logic is 20%, and when we negate the emotions of the other we are insulting and irritating the persons more. Respect their feelings, feelings are never right or wrong, so don’t use logic to analyze the feelings. Show empathy and compassion for them, and slowly the logic will surface.
• Anger is like quicksand; the more you fight or try to control it, the deeper you sink…Bottom line, personal perspective of the situation is paramount. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? My mantra is “It’s all good”
• Think outside the box
• Conflict is usually emotionally driven and not logic driven
• I take my ego out of the process and let the “magic” happen
• I am visualizing my hands slowly closing around your neck
• Lets take a step back and evaluate how you would advise someone if they were in the same situation – evaluative role playing at its best
• My primary role is to actively listen. Most people just want someone to HEAR them and acknowledge their pain in a safe environment.
• It will unfold
• I am the guardian of the process; I am not in charge of the outcome
• Breathe
• Goddess, let me be a channel for your peace, your love and your clarity
• Stay present and pay attention
• KISS – keep it simple & short
• Patience is a virtue
• I think to myself after I just heard something alarming…take a couple of deep breathes, remain calm, do not let my face show any strong reaction, don’t say anything to inflame the situation, be thankful that this is one mistake that I chose not to make in this life & remember there are 2 sides to every story
• I’ve observed that for some people I am exposing them to a completely new way of conflict resolution that they have never tried before
• The alternative to resolving this dispute is playing the mutual game of death by a thousand bleeding wounds inflicting on each other – day after day – month after month – year after year. One of you wins a bloody victory not worth winning – the other a loss – marked by pain, suffering, financial loss and the empty feeling of frustration. This war needs to be ended now.
• When I have finished listening to someone in a conflict, I say that I understand the complainant’s point of view and then look for common threads in all arguments to reach a mutually acceptable resolution. You know you have been successful in mediation when both sides are a little bit on happy. One of my clients stated that after a successful mediation.
• Take light things seriously, and seriously things lightly
• As self talk, “stay calm, be courageous, and watch for the signs”
• My favorite is “trust the process”
• Do I have a dog in this hunt?
• The 2 most liberating phrases for me are “I don’t know” and “you may be right”
• I like one my mother used to say – “this too shall pass
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Can you sue the person your spouse has an affair with?
No.
Texas eliminated this type of lawsuit called "alienation of affection" many years ago.
Instead be mad at your spouse.
I always find it interesting that it's always the wife that is mad. Your husband had the affair. No hussy forced him to have the affair. He knew what he was doing. He was an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT.
There is something wrong in your marriage if he had an affair. You need to focus in on that and not focus on the other woman. You need to be mad at your husband. He violated your trust. He violated your marriage vows.
Most of the wives defend their husband's behavior and get angry at me for suggesting that they participated in the affair!
Texas eliminated this type of lawsuit called "alienation of affection" many years ago.
Instead be mad at your spouse.
I always find it interesting that it's always the wife that is mad. Your husband had the affair. No hussy forced him to have the affair. He knew what he was doing. He was an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT.
There is something wrong in your marriage if he had an affair. You need to focus in on that and not focus on the other woman. You need to be mad at your husband. He violated your trust. He violated your marriage vows.
Most of the wives defend their husband's behavior and get angry at me for suggesting that they participated in the affair!
Important Form for Unmarried Owners of Real Estate
If you are unmarried and own real estate with someone else I suggest that you consider signing and filing with the real estate records of your county a documetn called a SURVIVORSHIP AGREEMENT that states that the survivor of the relationship owns the property 100%.
That means that it does NOT belong part of the person's estate.
The property passes directly to the other person WITHOUT a will to the other owner.
I sell this form for $250 and then I file it at the courthouse in Harris County to make sure that its recorded.
That means that it does NOT belong part of the person's estate.
The property passes directly to the other person WITHOUT a will to the other owner.
I sell this form for $250 and then I file it at the courthouse in Harris County to make sure that its recorded.
Monday, June 21, 2010
The certified letter I sent was refused - what do I do now?
1. Keep this certified letter in a safe place. In fact, put it in a zip-lock storage bag to keep it clean and safe.
2. Do NOT open it. Do not tamper with it in any way.
3. DO NOT WRITE ON THE ENVELOPE!
4. You now have evidence to present to the Judge at a future hearing.
5. Let the Judge open it when you go to Court. The Judge can then determine what the letter (or package) contained when you originally mailed it.
2. Do NOT open it. Do not tamper with it in any way.
3. DO NOT WRITE ON THE ENVELOPE!
4. You now have evidence to present to the Judge at a future hearing.
5. Let the Judge open it when you go to Court. The Judge can then determine what the letter (or package) contained when you originally mailed it.
My decree states that I must do XXX, do I have to do it?
If you were ordered to do something, then you must do it!
I often get the question, I was ordered to attend mediation BEFORE applying for a modification, do I have to do it?
The answer is...yes.
You must attempt to go to mediation before filing for a modification.
You must have proof that you tried to do what you were ordered to do. If the other party won't reply or won't cooperate, then you are allowed to move forward with the modification.
FYI: Be sure to keep all documentation (paperwork) that proves you attempted to fulfill what you were ordered to do. Merely making a phone call is NOT enough!
I often get the question, I was ordered to attend mediation BEFORE applying for a modification, do I have to do it?
The answer is...yes.
You must attempt to go to mediation before filing for a modification.
You must have proof that you tried to do what you were ordered to do. If the other party won't reply or won't cooperate, then you are allowed to move forward with the modification.
FYI: Be sure to keep all documentation (paperwork) that proves you attempted to fulfill what you were ordered to do. Merely making a phone call is NOT enough!
If the TX Statute says XXXXX does it really mean that?
If a Texas Statute says something like "you must be 16 years old to emanicpate" then you must be at least 16 years old to file a lawsuit to emancipate.
If you are 15 years old and a millionaire, you don't qualify.
The statute is clear and concise, you must qualify for each and every requirement in order to file a lawsuit.
You cannot pick and choose your qualifications.
Sorry!
If you are 15 years old and a millionaire, you don't qualify.
The statute is clear and concise, you must qualify for each and every requirement in order to file a lawsuit.
You cannot pick and choose your qualifications.
Sorry!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Harris County Family Courts- Major Changes are Coming in 2011
In November, 2010, Harris County voters are going to make major changes that will impact families for the future of the Harris County Family Courts.
All the Family Courts have contested elections this year!!
The following 4 judges are retiring/leaving the bench:
245th Judicial District Court - current judge leaving benc
308th Judicial District Court -- current judge leaving bench
309th Judicial District Court -- current judge leaving bench
311th Judicial District Court -- current judge leaving bench
The courts where the judges have opponets are:
246th Judicial District Court
247th Judicial District Court
257th Judicial District Court
310th Judicial District Court
312th Judicial District Court -- Robert Hinojosa won this judicial seat away from David Pharr 2 years ago and David Pharr is trying to regain this seat. However, David Pharr is stationed overseas in the military so he is unable to actively campaign for this judicial position. (His political campaign is very quiet since he cannot do anything while on active military duty.) It will be interesting to see how many votes he gets & will show that the general public has no idea who they vote for -- they vote for the party -- not the candidate.
This is the first time in approximately 10 years that the family courts are looking at such a "sweeping" change!
But, we could have a total of 9 NEW family court judges if all the judges up for re-election do not win their seats!
I doubt that all 9 judges will be replaced but it could happen. At the present time, all the judges are Republican except for Judge Hinojosa (312th).
If a huge Democratic sweep occurs, a lot of faces are going to change in the Family Law Center!
If you don't know, Harris County is now a majority of minorities. Many Republicans (behind the scenes) are nervous about this election and its outcome. They are worried if there is a large voter turn-out.
The new judges will take the benches effective January 1, 2011.
Therefore, 2011 is going to be a very "interesting" year in the Harris County Family Courts. No one can predict how the new judges will handle their dockets.
From past experience, it takes awhile for a new judge to settle into their bench and develop a real feel for the courtroom.
Did you know that new judges have to go to "judge school" to learn to be a judge? Yes, it's true. Several years ago, some bright sole determined that even an experienced attorney needed to learn how to be a Judge so judge school was started. The judges claim it is a very "enlightening" experience. They have to learn a things that most attorneys never come in contact with -- such as identifying mentally illness or the reality of getting around in a big city via public transportation.
Therefore, if you are planning on having a contested matter in the Harris County courts, I would immediately file your case and attempt to get it settled BEFORE December 31, 2010. After January 1, 2011, there will be many new faces at the courthouse and probably many new policies and procedures.
Interesting Tidbits:
Only 2 candidates are Black - Sandra Peake and Bill Rice.
Only one candidate is Hispanic -- Robert Hinojosa.
It appears all the rest of the candidates are White.
I could be wrong -- if I am -- I apologize!
Did you know that Houston has more diversity that New York City? Yes, it's true. It's unfortunately that our family courts do not reflect this diversity. I would think that we would have at least one Asian person running. I'm wondering how many of these people speak Spanish?
I was sorry that some very fine candidates got "cut" at the primary level. There were just too many candidates running this year in the primaries. It seems that everyone "threw their hat" into the ring this year with so many judges leaving the bench. Unfortunately, some fine potential judges did not get the chance to advance to the finishing line. It's a loss for people of Harris County.
All the Family Courts have contested elections this year!!
The following 4 judges are retiring/leaving the bench:
245th Judicial District Court - current judge leaving benc
308th Judicial District Court -- current judge leaving bench
309th Judicial District Court -- current judge leaving bench
311th Judicial District Court -- current judge leaving bench
The courts where the judges have opponets are:
246th Judicial District Court
247th Judicial District Court
257th Judicial District Court
310th Judicial District Court
312th Judicial District Court -- Robert Hinojosa won this judicial seat away from David Pharr 2 years ago and David Pharr is trying to regain this seat. However, David Pharr is stationed overseas in the military so he is unable to actively campaign for this judicial position. (His political campaign is very quiet since he cannot do anything while on active military duty.) It will be interesting to see how many votes he gets & will show that the general public has no idea who they vote for -- they vote for the party -- not the candidate.
This is the first time in approximately 10 years that the family courts are looking at such a "sweeping" change!
But, we could have a total of 9 NEW family court judges if all the judges up for re-election do not win their seats!
I doubt that all 9 judges will be replaced but it could happen. At the present time, all the judges are Republican except for Judge Hinojosa (312th).
If a huge Democratic sweep occurs, a lot of faces are going to change in the Family Law Center!
If you don't know, Harris County is now a majority of minorities. Many Republicans (behind the scenes) are nervous about this election and its outcome. They are worried if there is a large voter turn-out.
The new judges will take the benches effective January 1, 2011.
Therefore, 2011 is going to be a very "interesting" year in the Harris County Family Courts. No one can predict how the new judges will handle their dockets.
From past experience, it takes awhile for a new judge to settle into their bench and develop a real feel for the courtroom.
Did you know that new judges have to go to "judge school" to learn to be a judge? Yes, it's true. Several years ago, some bright sole determined that even an experienced attorney needed to learn how to be a Judge so judge school was started. The judges claim it is a very "enlightening" experience. They have to learn a things that most attorneys never come in contact with -- such as identifying mentally illness or the reality of getting around in a big city via public transportation.
Therefore, if you are planning on having a contested matter in the Harris County courts, I would immediately file your case and attempt to get it settled BEFORE December 31, 2010. After January 1, 2011, there will be many new faces at the courthouse and probably many new policies and procedures.
Interesting Tidbits:
Only 2 candidates are Black - Sandra Peake and Bill Rice.
Only one candidate is Hispanic -- Robert Hinojosa.
It appears all the rest of the candidates are White.
I could be wrong -- if I am -- I apologize!
Did you know that Houston has more diversity that New York City? Yes, it's true. It's unfortunately that our family courts do not reflect this diversity. I would think that we would have at least one Asian person running. I'm wondering how many of these people speak Spanish?
I was sorry that some very fine candidates got "cut" at the primary level. There were just too many candidates running this year in the primaries. It seems that everyone "threw their hat" into the ring this year with so many judges leaving the bench. Unfortunately, some fine potential judges did not get the chance to advance to the finishing line. It's a loss for people of Harris County.
Loren Jackson -- Harris County District Clerk -- highly recommended
I want to highly recommend LOREN JACKSON - HARRIS COUNTY DISTRICT CLERK -- for doing an outstanding job the past 2 years.
He has taken the Harris County District Clerk's office from the stone age into the computer age.
His staff is always courteous and professional. His staff is responsive to email questions and problems. He is trying very hard to make the Harris County District Clerk's office effecient and productive using less taxpayer money -- something we can all appreciate!
The Harris County District Clerk's website is www.hcdistrictclerk.com
I can now download most family law final decrees for free as un-certified copies. It comes in very handy when a new client comes in. I can also view most family law case summaries on-line.
The website is not error free -- but it's come a long way!
Thanks Loren Jackson!
He has taken the Harris County District Clerk's office from the stone age into the computer age.
His staff is always courteous and professional. His staff is responsive to email questions and problems. He is trying very hard to make the Harris County District Clerk's office effecient and productive using less taxpayer money -- something we can all appreciate!
The Harris County District Clerk's website is www.hcdistrictclerk.com
I can now download most family law final decrees for free as un-certified copies. It comes in very handy when a new client comes in. I can also view most family law case summaries on-line.
The website is not error free -- but it's come a long way!
Thanks Loren Jackson!
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