On law guru.com I just answered a common question so I thought I'd post it here. I've answered this question approx. 100 times and I thought I'd post it here.
The "basic" question is this:
The father makes minimum wage.
The mother makes $75,000/year
Father can't afford to pay the court ordered child support.
Father is complaining that Mom does not need his child support.
Father can't afford to pay his rent or buy food.
Here is my quick answer since http://www.lawguru.com/ is a free place for people to ask lawyers questions.
Child support is based on YOUR income.
In fact, child support is NOT based on income.
Child support is based on NET RESOURCES.
Net resources is your income from ALL SOURCES OF INCOME - so if you do any odd jobs, have any investments, pawn a watch to get cash, sell a car to get cash, get any money from friends, family, girl friends, etc. it goes toward your child support.
Mom's income is irrelevant.
For one child - child support is 20% of your net resources.
I suggest that you go to the TX A G child support website and read about child support. There website is written for the general public and it is actually very informative.
There are many websites on TX Child support. Be sure to read only about Texas child support.
There are even child support "calculators" that are even "somewhat" accurate. Do not rely totally on these free "calculators". However, they will give you a general idea of what you should be paying in child support in the State of Texas.
The more minor children that you can prove to the Judge that you financially support, you get to reduce the percentage of support for the child(ren) in front of the Judge in this case.
The TX A G website had the "official" chart that attorneys use to calculate child support.
Believe it or not, The TX A G is the agency appointed by the Texas Legislature to set the child support chart each year.
The chart is in the TX Family code. The TX Family Code is on the internet. Go to any major search engine, like GOOGLE, and look for it.
You cannot get c.s. lowered - you pay c.s. based on YOUR income - not hers.
FYI: THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT SO READ THIS CAREFULLY!!!!
Child support comes BEFORE anything else - rent, food, etc.
Child Support survives YOUR death.
When you die, it becomes a debt of your estate.
If you inherit any money, the TX A G will intervene and "grab" the money if you are seriously past-due in your child support.
you cannot declare bankruptcy and make your past-due child support "disappear".
Also, be careful with anything using your social security number (bank accounts, etc) the TX A G computer will "grab" the money if you are EVER late with a payment WITHOUT ANY NOTICE!!! Then you will have checks bouncing!! (Yes, it happens all the time!!!)
When you retire, if you owe any child support, it will come out of your Social Security check!
In summary, child support is the debt that NEVER goes away!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Changing a Minor Child's Name
In order to change a minor child's name on his birth certificate you need to get a judge's permission.
You need to get a judge to sign a piece of paper ordering the birth certificate agency to issue a new birth certificate.
The birth certificate agency is not going to issue a new birth certificate without an order signed by a judge ordering them to do it.
It costs money to file a document called a "Petition for Name Change of a Minor Child". This fee to the county is usually around $300. It varies from county to county in the State of Texas.
Then you need to have a document called "Order" for the Judge to sign.
FYI: These legal documents are NOT available at any courthouse.
You need to have these legal documents with you when you go to the courthouse.
You can find samples of these forms in a set of books called the TEXAS FAMILY PRACTICE MANUAL.
You must fill in these forms.
This is one of the reasons you need to hire an attorney.
An attorney knows how to fill out these forms.
The forms advertised on t.v. and radio sold by companies outside of Texas are NOT correct Texas forms that Judges are used to seeing.
If you puchase these forms be prepared for the Judge to reject them!
(You are probably wasting your money - so buyer beware!)
The Judge wants all parents (and/or parties with court ordered standing regarding this child) to be notified about this pending name change AND to agree IN WRITING to it.
There is a form called WAIVER OF SERVICE that must be properly notarized so that the other parent does NOT need to come to court to tell the judge that they agree to the name change.
I also like the other parent to sign the ORDER on the last page also confirming that they agree to the child's new name - that way the Judge knows that the other parent agrees to the child's name change.
Many people ask me if a judge will grant the name change because the other parent is behind in child support or for some other reason. Many judges will NOT grant a name change just because the other parent is behind in child support.
If you want to do a name change of a minor child, I recommend that you hire an experienced family law attorney that practiced in your county for many years and trust his/her advice.
If everyone agrees, most name changes can be done fairly quickly. There is no required waiting period lawsuits require in Texas.
You need to get a judge to sign a piece of paper ordering the birth certificate agency to issue a new birth certificate.
The birth certificate agency is not going to issue a new birth certificate without an order signed by a judge ordering them to do it.
It costs money to file a document called a "Petition for Name Change of a Minor Child". This fee to the county is usually around $300. It varies from county to county in the State of Texas.
Then you need to have a document called "Order" for the Judge to sign.
FYI: These legal documents are NOT available at any courthouse.
You need to have these legal documents with you when you go to the courthouse.
You can find samples of these forms in a set of books called the TEXAS FAMILY PRACTICE MANUAL.
You must fill in these forms.
This is one of the reasons you need to hire an attorney.
An attorney knows how to fill out these forms.
The forms advertised on t.v. and radio sold by companies outside of Texas are NOT correct Texas forms that Judges are used to seeing.
If you puchase these forms be prepared for the Judge to reject them!
(You are probably wasting your money - so buyer beware!)
The Judge wants all parents (and/or parties with court ordered standing regarding this child) to be notified about this pending name change AND to agree IN WRITING to it.
There is a form called WAIVER OF SERVICE that must be properly notarized so that the other parent does NOT need to come to court to tell the judge that they agree to the name change.
I also like the other parent to sign the ORDER on the last page also confirming that they agree to the child's new name - that way the Judge knows that the other parent agrees to the child's name change.
Many people ask me if a judge will grant the name change because the other parent is behind in child support or for some other reason. Many judges will NOT grant a name change just because the other parent is behind in child support.
If you want to do a name change of a minor child, I recommend that you hire an experienced family law attorney that practiced in your county for many years and trust his/her advice.
If everyone agrees, most name changes can be done fairly quickly. There is no required waiting period lawsuits require in Texas.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I married a person from another country to get his/her green card. Now I want a divorce.
Ok, it sounds like you have committed a federal crime. This is a BIG DEAL!
First, keep your mouth shut.
Second, contact an experienced attorney (not someone right out of law school) that does immigration law and family law.
Third, plan on paying some money. This is not going to be cheap. You need someone sharp. You need to listen to your attorney. You need to keep your ears sharp and your mouth shut!
Fourth, he/she lied to me. He/she has a lover. He/she used me. Well, I'm not surprised. I hear this a lot. It happens all the time. But you need to be careful. You might be hurt and mad. But you don't want to make things worst for yourself. You need to take things slowly and carefully.
Get to an attorney's office NOW!
First, keep your mouth shut.
Second, contact an experienced attorney (not someone right out of law school) that does immigration law and family law.
Third, plan on paying some money. This is not going to be cheap. You need someone sharp. You need to listen to your attorney. You need to keep your ears sharp and your mouth shut!
Fourth, he/she lied to me. He/she has a lover. He/she used me. Well, I'm not surprised. I hear this a lot. It happens all the time. But you need to be careful. You might be hurt and mad. But you don't want to make things worst for yourself. You need to take things slowly and carefully.
Get to an attorney's office NOW!
I live in Alaska and I owe $50,000 in TX in past due child support. What can happen to me?
Here is my answer:
You realize that this debt will never go away.
What does that mean?
If you have a bank account, it will eventually get "hit"
Any tax refund will go to her.
If you ever inherit any money, the Attorney General will intervene and get it.
If you die, the Attorney General will intervene and get anything you own.
When you retire, your Social Security will be reduced and money will be sent to your ex-wife.
You might want to go back and ask to reduce your child support if you cannot pay the $450.
Will you ever be arrested? The short answer is yes. So don't ever get stopped in case there is a arrest warrant issued for you.
You realize that this debt will never go away.
What does that mean?
If you have a bank account, it will eventually get "hit"
Any tax refund will go to her.
If you ever inherit any money, the Attorney General will intervene and get it.
If you die, the Attorney General will intervene and get anything you own.
When you retire, your Social Security will be reduced and money will be sent to your ex-wife.
You might want to go back and ask to reduce your child support if you cannot pay the $450.
Will you ever be arrested? The short answer is yes. So don't ever get stopped in case there is a arrest warrant issued for you.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Transition in my law practice
Effective September 1, 2010, my law practice is going to be focused on mediation.
This year was my 20th reunion at South Texas College of Law, it has been a time of reflection for me.
I decided that I need to focus on my passion - mediation.
I'm very good at it and I find it rewarding and fulfilling.
I am referring callers to the following 2 attorneys:
Patricia Bushman
8978 Kirby Drive
Houston, Texas 77054
713-807-9405
pblawinfo@gmail.com
She has been licensed over 15 years -- less than 20 years.
Pat recently hired a young lawyer to assist her that speaks Spanish.
Pat has a competent office staff and is able to handle complex litigation.
Pat is in court almost everyday.
She has handled many jury trials.
I call her my pit bull. She is tough.
She is exceptional at analyzing complex legal issues and knowing what the judge will focus on.
She is well respected by the judges because she is in the courtroom regularly.
She is willing to go to surrounding counties - including Montgomery County.
She is also a mediator.
I rent space in her office.
Her first meeting is free and she quotes her price at that time.
She offers payment plans and accepts credit cards.
She meets afternoons, nights and week-ends.
Please mention that I referred you - I will get a discount on my rent.
Rose Cardenas
713-271-4110
832-419-4110
rosecardenas@live.com
She has been licensed over 25 years.
She is in the courtroom on a daily basis.
She is well respected by the judiciary and by her fellow lawyers.
She offices with her brother, Robert Cardenas, and he does criminal law primarily.
She is very hands on and takes a limited number of cases.
She is compassionate, but is not a push-over.
She speaks Spanish.
She returns all of her own phone calls, so you must be patient.
Leave a message and she will call you back.
Her brother's website is http://www.attorneyhoustontx.net/
You will need to talk to Rose about her fee schedule.
Both of these attorneys will be able to assist you if you are interested in uncontested matters and in "creative" solutions to your family law problems.
There are many excellent attorneys in the Houston area.
Generally speaking, for the average family, no uncontested legal matter should cost more than $4,000 if the parties are willing to work together and not spend hours talking the attorney's ear off!
I have had a divorce with no kids, no property cost over $6,000, but the couple fought over everything and we spent 6 hours at the courthouse fighting over a used Timex watch!
I recommend that you check out http://www.lawguru.com/ and http://www.avvo.com/. However, do not trust the avvo.com rating. Many excellent attorneys have never "claimed" their avvo profile. I just happened to click on their email and be on the first attorneys to claim my profile!
This year was my 20th reunion at South Texas College of Law, it has been a time of reflection for me.
I decided that I need to focus on my passion - mediation.
I'm very good at it and I find it rewarding and fulfilling.
I am referring callers to the following 2 attorneys:
Patricia Bushman
8978 Kirby Drive
Houston, Texas 77054
713-807-9405
pblawinfo@gmail.com
She has been licensed over 15 years -- less than 20 years.
Pat recently hired a young lawyer to assist her that speaks Spanish.
Pat has a competent office staff and is able to handle complex litigation.
Pat is in court almost everyday.
She has handled many jury trials.
I call her my pit bull. She is tough.
She is exceptional at analyzing complex legal issues and knowing what the judge will focus on.
She is well respected by the judges because she is in the courtroom regularly.
She is willing to go to surrounding counties - including Montgomery County.
She is also a mediator.
I rent space in her office.
Her first meeting is free and she quotes her price at that time.
She offers payment plans and accepts credit cards.
She meets afternoons, nights and week-ends.
Please mention that I referred you - I will get a discount on my rent.
Rose Cardenas
713-271-4110
832-419-4110
rosecardenas@live.com
She has been licensed over 25 years.
She is in the courtroom on a daily basis.
She is well respected by the judiciary and by her fellow lawyers.
She offices with her brother, Robert Cardenas, and he does criminal law primarily.
She is very hands on and takes a limited number of cases.
She is compassionate, but is not a push-over.
She speaks Spanish.
She returns all of her own phone calls, so you must be patient.
Leave a message and she will call you back.
Her brother's website is http://www.attorneyhoustontx.net/
You will need to talk to Rose about her fee schedule.
Both of these attorneys will be able to assist you if you are interested in uncontested matters and in "creative" solutions to your family law problems.
There are many excellent attorneys in the Houston area.
Generally speaking, for the average family, no uncontested legal matter should cost more than $4,000 if the parties are willing to work together and not spend hours talking the attorney's ear off!
I have had a divorce with no kids, no property cost over $6,000, but the couple fought over everything and we spent 6 hours at the courthouse fighting over a used Timex watch!
I recommend that you check out http://www.lawguru.com/ and http://www.avvo.com/. However, do not trust the avvo.com rating. Many excellent attorneys have never "claimed" their avvo profile. I just happened to click on their email and be on the first attorneys to claim my profile!
www.RocketLaw.com
Please do not send me an email through http://www.rocketlaw.com/.
I cannot reply to any email sent to that website. I can read the emails but I cannot reply to them!
It is very frustrating.
Their website requires that I pay they over $89 a month to reply to emails! It just is not worth it for one or two emails a month. Additionally, most of the people on this website are from all over Texas. I am only interested in cases in the Houston area. I have no interest in cases in Dallas, El Paso, the Valley, etc. I have been listed on this website for many years and it used to be free to answer questions. The questions never generated any new business for me but I considered it a public service.
When I receive an email from Rocket Law it does not contain any identifying information such as a phone number or email so that I can contact the person directly.
It is frustrating to read about a person's problem and then not be able to reply to them.
Therefore, please don't get angry at me for not replying to your emails through http://www.rocketlaw.com/.
I cannot reply to any email sent to that website. I can read the emails but I cannot reply to them!
It is very frustrating.
Their website requires that I pay they over $89 a month to reply to emails! It just is not worth it for one or two emails a month. Additionally, most of the people on this website are from all over Texas. I am only interested in cases in the Houston area. I have no interest in cases in Dallas, El Paso, the Valley, etc. I have been listed on this website for many years and it used to be free to answer questions. The questions never generated any new business for me but I considered it a public service.
When I receive an email from Rocket Law it does not contain any identifying information such as a phone number or email so that I can contact the person directly.
It is frustrating to read about a person's problem and then not be able to reply to them.
Therefore, please don't get angry at me for not replying to your emails through http://www.rocketlaw.com/.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Social Study Evaluations
I've read some Social Studies by caseworkers that are very scary. Some workers put in all sorts of "gossip" and heresay. Some of the workers are good and some are bad.
For example, if a person is nervous, they might put in that the person is "hiding things" "frightened" or other negatives adjectives that might alarm the judge.
The judges read these social study evaluations carefully.
In one case, maternal grandmother was the primary caregiver of the minor children. The father's family all reported that the maternal grandmother gambled a lot and was not present to care for the children. The maternal grandmother's family claimed that grandmother never gambled and that they were all lying. (It is difficult to prove the negative.) But since grandmother did not drive it was difficult for her to travel to Louisiaina for her to gramble.
What should you do to prepare for a social study evaluation?
Make sure that your home is spotless.
Be sure there is food in the refrigerator and pantry
Look good when the worker visits.
Make sure the kid(s) look good.
Offer the worker something to eat and drink
Give the worker a list of friends and family to contact - be sure that these people know that they will be contacted and/or visited and be sure they have a "script" of what they are going to say
You need to include each persons name, address and phone number along with a brief descripton of what they can tell the worker about you and the other party
Have a photo album available to show the worker of you and the child(ren) of happy times (birthdays, holidays, vacations)
It's nice to include photos of the other parent when the family was still together
Be sure you interact with the child(ren) appropriately
Be sure you appropriately discipline the child(ren) in his/her presence if the child(ren) misbehave
DO NOT HIT THE KIDS OR SCREAM AT THE KID(S)
Be sure to act lovingly to the child(ren) & touch them -- but don't hold the child(ren) the entire visit
Don't bad mouth the other person (and family) totally -- remember that at one time you chose to be in a relationship with this person and to have child(ren) with this person!
If you have written evidence (recordings, emails, etc.) give a copy to the worker for their records
Everything you say to them can go into their report
Don't make casual remarks ("I could just kill myself" or "sometimes I cry myself to sleep I'm so depressed") because it will be in their report!
The worker is going to ask you a lot about you and your past - be prepared to answer it & be prepared to have a list of references to give to worker to verify what you are telling the worker
Your age
Your family
Your education
Your employment
Your health
Your religious background
Places you have lived
You need to be prepared to discuss your entire life in a few short minutes
Friday, July 16, 2010
Do It Yourself Divorce Kits from Radio orTelevision Ads
I have seen many of them.
Most of them are "trash". Sorry! You get what you pay for.
If they are from California, Washington, Florida, New York, or Colorado they do not contain the right information that the Texas judges want.
They don't look right and they don't have the "Texas wording" the Judges are used to seeing.
You need to listen to the spokesman in the ad carefully. The ad is carefully written. These companies are making millions of dollars on people trying to save money! They are laughing all the way to the bank. They are counting on your fear of attorneys and your desire to save money.
The first thing I would want to know is - how long is their guarantee? If it is less than 90 days - FORGET IT. Their gurantee is worthless for a Texas divorce.
A divorce in less must be on file for more than 60 days. So you won't know if their kit works if their gurantee is less than 75 days!
Do they use the word "matrimonial"? If so, that shows that it was not prepared by a Texas lawyer. We just don't use that word in Texas.
Do you have a BVS form? It is required in Texas for your divorce to be finalized in Harris County. The kits sold on the internet, radio and t.v. don't include it. Why? Because those guys have never set foot in Texas
Have I scared you yet!
Do check off the "right" answers?
Do you have any idea how much the judges hate these forms?
Do you have any idea how many people can't even fill these forms out correctly?
Do you realize that if you fill these forms out wrong - you are struck with the answers?
If you own any real estate, you are really doing setting yourself up for disaster in the future that require thousands of dollars in legal fees to "fix" the mess you are creating in this "quicky" divorce.
Many people think they are saving money by using an on-line divorce form. However, in reality, they are actually going to be spending a lot more money by having to hire an attorney later to fix their legal mess later!
It's easier to hire an attorney early than to hire an attorney later to fix a legal disaster!
If you can't figure it out, then I charge $150 an hour, to sit down with you and try to figure what what you are trying to do.
Or you can go to my website WWW.FAMILYLAW4U.COM and look at my DO IT YOURSELF will kits.
713-847-6000
Most of them are "trash". Sorry! You get what you pay for.
If they are from California, Washington, Florida, New York, or Colorado they do not contain the right information that the Texas judges want.
They don't look right and they don't have the "Texas wording" the Judges are used to seeing.
You need to listen to the spokesman in the ad carefully. The ad is carefully written. These companies are making millions of dollars on people trying to save money! They are laughing all the way to the bank. They are counting on your fear of attorneys and your desire to save money.
The first thing I would want to know is - how long is their guarantee? If it is less than 90 days - FORGET IT. Their gurantee is worthless for a Texas divorce.
A divorce in less must be on file for more than 60 days. So you won't know if their kit works if their gurantee is less than 75 days!
Do they use the word "matrimonial"? If so, that shows that it was not prepared by a Texas lawyer. We just don't use that word in Texas.
Do you have a BVS form? It is required in Texas for your divorce to be finalized in Harris County. The kits sold on the internet, radio and t.v. don't include it. Why? Because those guys have never set foot in Texas
Have I scared you yet!
Do check off the "right" answers?
Do you have any idea how much the judges hate these forms?
Do you have any idea how many people can't even fill these forms out correctly?
Do you realize that if you fill these forms out wrong - you are struck with the answers?
If you own any real estate, you are really doing setting yourself up for disaster in the future that require thousands of dollars in legal fees to "fix" the mess you are creating in this "quicky" divorce.
Many people think they are saving money by using an on-line divorce form. However, in reality, they are actually going to be spending a lot more money by having to hire an attorney later to fix their legal mess later!
It's easier to hire an attorney early than to hire an attorney later to fix a legal disaster!
If you can't figure it out, then I charge $150 an hour, to sit down with you and try to figure what what you are trying to do.
Or you can go to my website WWW.FAMILYLAW4U.COM and look at my DO IT YOURSELF will kits.
713-847-6000
Saturday, July 10, 2010
ADR Conflict Resolution & Mediation Exchange Comments on Linkedin.com
I am a member of the www.linkedin.com group on ADR, Conflict Resolution & Mediation Exchange.
This week an interesting question was posted that generated a lot of interesting answers.
The question that was posted was: “What single phrase or mantra do you use to support yourself when the going gets tough in supporting others to resolve conflicts or when you are in conflict with others?"
Here are samples of some of my favorite answers – some serious and some not so serious:
• “Trust the process” is one I have found useful
• “Stay curious” – especially when I am in conflict with others. I will also sometimes adopt the Alice in Wonderland phrase “curiouser and curiouser” to do “deepening work” in a mediation
• Anger is a vehicle of communication that always carries a message. The person who expresses anger is trying to present information. Often it is information that, without the anger, he wouldn’t have the courage to express…
• I try to focus on the underlying message, not necessarily the expressed emotion or the surface message. I guess my mantra would be “I wonder what is underneath this”
• If this were easy, anyone could do it
• Expect emotion, not logic and respect emotions of others
• I have found that emotions are 80% and logic is 20%, and when we negate the emotions of the other we are insulting and irritating the persons more. Respect their feelings, feelings are never right or wrong, so don’t use logic to analyze the feelings. Show empathy and compassion for them, and slowly the logic will surface.
• Anger is like quicksand; the more you fight or try to control it, the deeper you sink…Bottom line, personal perspective of the situation is paramount. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? My mantra is “It’s all good”
• Think outside the box
• Conflict is usually emotionally driven and not logic driven
• I take my ego out of the process and let the “magic” happen
• I am visualizing my hands slowly closing around your neck
• Lets take a step back and evaluate how you would advise someone if they were in the same situation – evaluative role playing at its best
• My primary role is to actively listen. Most people just want someone to HEAR them and acknowledge their pain in a safe environment.
• It will unfold
• I am the guardian of the process; I am not in charge of the outcome
• Breathe
• Goddess, let me be a channel for your peace, your love and your clarity
• Stay present and pay attention
• KISS – keep it simple & short
• Patience is a virtue
• I think to myself after I just heard something alarming…take a couple of deep breathes, remain calm, do not let my face show any strong reaction, don’t say anything to inflame the situation, be thankful that this is one mistake that I chose not to make in this life & remember there are 2 sides to every story
• I’ve observed that for some people I am exposing them to a completely new way of conflict resolution that they have never tried before
• The alternative to resolving this dispute is playing the mutual game of death by a thousand bleeding wounds inflicting on each other – day after day – month after month – year after year. One of you wins a bloody victory not worth winning – the other a loss – marked by pain, suffering, financial loss and the empty feeling of frustration. This war needs to be ended now.
• When I have finished listening to someone in a conflict, I say that I understand the complainant’s point of view and then look for common threads in all arguments to reach a mutually acceptable resolution. You know you have been successful in mediation when both sides are a little bit on happy. One of my clients stated that after a successful mediation.
• Take light things seriously, and seriously things lightly
• As self talk, “stay calm, be courageous, and watch for the signs”
• My favorite is “trust the process”
• Do I have a dog in this hunt?
• The 2 most liberating phrases for me are “I don’t know” and “you may be right”
• I like one my mother used to say – “this too shall pass
This week an interesting question was posted that generated a lot of interesting answers.
The question that was posted was: “What single phrase or mantra do you use to support yourself when the going gets tough in supporting others to resolve conflicts or when you are in conflict with others?"
Here are samples of some of my favorite answers – some serious and some not so serious:
• “Trust the process” is one I have found useful
• “Stay curious” – especially when I am in conflict with others. I will also sometimes adopt the Alice in Wonderland phrase “curiouser and curiouser” to do “deepening work” in a mediation
• Anger is a vehicle of communication that always carries a message. The person who expresses anger is trying to present information. Often it is information that, without the anger, he wouldn’t have the courage to express…
• I try to focus on the underlying message, not necessarily the expressed emotion or the surface message. I guess my mantra would be “I wonder what is underneath this”
• If this were easy, anyone could do it
• Expect emotion, not logic and respect emotions of others
• I have found that emotions are 80% and logic is 20%, and when we negate the emotions of the other we are insulting and irritating the persons more. Respect their feelings, feelings are never right or wrong, so don’t use logic to analyze the feelings. Show empathy and compassion for them, and slowly the logic will surface.
• Anger is like quicksand; the more you fight or try to control it, the deeper you sink…Bottom line, personal perspective of the situation is paramount. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? My mantra is “It’s all good”
• Think outside the box
• Conflict is usually emotionally driven and not logic driven
• I take my ego out of the process and let the “magic” happen
• I am visualizing my hands slowly closing around your neck
• Lets take a step back and evaluate how you would advise someone if they were in the same situation – evaluative role playing at its best
• My primary role is to actively listen. Most people just want someone to HEAR them and acknowledge their pain in a safe environment.
• It will unfold
• I am the guardian of the process; I am not in charge of the outcome
• Breathe
• Goddess, let me be a channel for your peace, your love and your clarity
• Stay present and pay attention
• KISS – keep it simple & short
• Patience is a virtue
• I think to myself after I just heard something alarming…take a couple of deep breathes, remain calm, do not let my face show any strong reaction, don’t say anything to inflame the situation, be thankful that this is one mistake that I chose not to make in this life & remember there are 2 sides to every story
• I’ve observed that for some people I am exposing them to a completely new way of conflict resolution that they have never tried before
• The alternative to resolving this dispute is playing the mutual game of death by a thousand bleeding wounds inflicting on each other – day after day – month after month – year after year. One of you wins a bloody victory not worth winning – the other a loss – marked by pain, suffering, financial loss and the empty feeling of frustration. This war needs to be ended now.
• When I have finished listening to someone in a conflict, I say that I understand the complainant’s point of view and then look for common threads in all arguments to reach a mutually acceptable resolution. You know you have been successful in mediation when both sides are a little bit on happy. One of my clients stated that after a successful mediation.
• Take light things seriously, and seriously things lightly
• As self talk, “stay calm, be courageous, and watch for the signs”
• My favorite is “trust the process”
• Do I have a dog in this hunt?
• The 2 most liberating phrases for me are “I don’t know” and “you may be right”
• I like one my mother used to say – “this too shall pass
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Can you sue the person your spouse has an affair with?
No.
Texas eliminated this type of lawsuit called "alienation of affection" many years ago.
Instead be mad at your spouse.
I always find it interesting that it's always the wife that is mad. Your husband had the affair. No hussy forced him to have the affair. He knew what he was doing. He was an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT.
There is something wrong in your marriage if he had an affair. You need to focus in on that and not focus on the other woman. You need to be mad at your husband. He violated your trust. He violated your marriage vows.
Most of the wives defend their husband's behavior and get angry at me for suggesting that they participated in the affair!
Texas eliminated this type of lawsuit called "alienation of affection" many years ago.
Instead be mad at your spouse.
I always find it interesting that it's always the wife that is mad. Your husband had the affair. No hussy forced him to have the affair. He knew what he was doing. He was an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT.
There is something wrong in your marriage if he had an affair. You need to focus in on that and not focus on the other woman. You need to be mad at your husband. He violated your trust. He violated your marriage vows.
Most of the wives defend their husband's behavior and get angry at me for suggesting that they participated in the affair!
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