Thursday, March 22, 2007
Bill Ferguson & Divorcing as Friends
Bill Ferguson is a former divorce lawyer that has been lecturing, writing books and appearing on television and radio programs for over 20 years. He offers classes on STOP THE CONFLICT and DIVORCING AS FRIENDS. Bill lives in the Houston area. www.divorceasfriends.com He has developed a set of GROUND RULES FOR DIVORCE: (here is an except of his rules) 1. Accept the person -- the person is the way he or she is whether you like it or not. Accept the truth. 2. Be willing to feel your hurt - Let go of the hurt. 3. See your role in the problem - you cannot have a cycle of conflict with only one person -- it takes two! See how your actions fuel the conflict. 4. Don't hang on. Let the person go. 5. Let go of resentments and forgive -- Forgiveness will benefit you. 6. Be willing for anything to happen -- if you are fighting what is happening, you cannot see clearly and make clear decisions. 7. Don't Argue - Listen! Let the other person express their opinions openly and fully. Listen to what they are saying. You don't have to agree with them but you need to listen to their side of the story. 8. Find solutions that work for both of you. Fighting is unproductive. When you are committed to finding solutions that work for everyone, things will go much smoother for everyone. 9. Take every opportunity to heal your relationship. Be a friend and wish the other person well. I have Bill's tapes and books in my office for my clients that are interested in borrowing them and listening to them. I took Bill's classes when I divorced many years ago and I found them to be very helpful. But, his ideas will only work if you are willing to let go of the fighting and finger pointing. If a person decides that the pain is too great, then most people are willing to try something different.